Space cowboy admits Human Life might cease


Wait till you hear the Bezos plan to save humanity

According to The Washington Post, Jeff Bezos has come down from space and reported that his flight emphasizes his ultimate goal: space exploration to move heavy industry to space and keep the Earth for residents and “light industry”.

“What we need to do is build a road to space so that future generations can take all heavy industry and polluting industry on Earth and move it up into space. So that we can keep this gem of a planet as it is, instead of ruining it, which unfortunately we might do,” he told the Post.

I knew it! Outsourcing would be the answer because it’s been a real boon here on tired old Earth. We tried it in Mexico – worked like a charm. Then Asia…also a winner.

But now we are out of suitable third world countries to pollute and exploit. [Maybe there’s still space in Africa? – Ed.]

Let’s try space!

While we continue burning fossil fuels (which happen to power rocket ships!)   we need to move all that dirty stuff somewhere else, pretty quick, so that we can continue to exist here on earth.

Like outsourcing plastic into the ocean, which we’ve already been doing successfully for decades in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

We’ll use Mars and the Moon and wherever else we can get to as industrial wastelands and landfills.

This coverage comes from the newspaper Jeff Bezos owns. But the New York Times also gave us the scoop about his “best day ever”.

If you aren’t already annoyed by this self-indulgent use of mega-funds, maybe the fact that he thanked Amazon customers and his employees for paying for his spaceflight might wake you up.

You are being taxed to send Bezos to space.

While he pays virtually zero taxes.

It’s a lot easier to get rich when you pay zero taxes, I guess. I wouldn’t know – I’ve been forking over my fair share since I took my first job at 15.

But wait, your US government taxes don’t pay for his space program, right? Well, in a sense, they do. Because his non-payment of taxes means the rest of us have to pay more.

The Internal Revenue Service is currently investigating the leaked tax returns of both Bezos and that other space cowboy wannabe, Elon Musk.

There’s another way we could save the planet besides delusional plans for outsourcing our garbage to space, but it wouldn’t work out as well for Jeff. That would be to agree that massive amounts of wealth aren’t good for individuals.

Neither is celebrity, cocaine, being a child actor, too much rock-n-roll, or sorcery.

Or, we could try acknowledging a few simple facts.

Fact 1: There are too many people on the planet.

Go forth and multiply is the creed of millions of people.

Solution: COVID.

Fact 2: We are overusing resources. Too many wealthy people in developed countries are free to own multiple cars and homes, while most people in those same countries can’t afford basic transportation or homeownership.

Solution: Suck all the wealth to the top and turn most first-worlders back into third-worlders. This is already underway.

Fact 3:  The billionaire class will rule and will monetize health care, water, property, shelter, and all the other basics.

Solution: Taxing the rich. Or eating them. Both work.

Fact 4: Population control requires giving women birth control and education.

This is super easy, but since most world leaders and billionaires are men, and most corporations are run by men, progress is glacially slow.

Solution: Elect women to office.

Fact 5: The billionaires won’t save us because they are self-serving (just like the rest of us). Only unity of purpose for the greater good will save us.

Unity of purpose can only be achieved when we face a common threat e.g. World Wars I and II. Apparently, COVID isn’t enough.

Perhaps global warming will bring us together – when it's too late.

Fact 6: We are so screwed.

After reviewing the facts, I now see the Bezos plan is just as good as any other. But I won’t take him seriously until he pays his taxes. Just like I have to.  – Jean Campbell

 

  • Jean Campbell is a writer of true crime, humor and poetry. This is a shortened version of a blog that can be found on her web page at https://jxcampbell.com
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