Dear Editor

Fashionable designs

Bravo noseWEEK for exposing the scandal (or should I say scam) of the Radio Good Hope Designer Collection! Many have suspected it for years and just not had the guts to say anything out loud for fear of the big nobs in this town. Issue 5 was your best yet. It was time someone revealed Tony Jackman for what he really is – a puffed up with his own importance member of the “Foodie mafia” of Cape Town. Keep digging!
Concerned Citizen
Cape Town

Seasonable greetings

As a devoted reader of your excellent magazine I wish you a bright future. In the “Good Old days” you would undoubtedly have had a visit from the heavies, with words of wisdom regarding your health and wellbeing, perhaps accompanied by a “taai klap of twee”. Had you not heeded the sage advice, there was nothing like a small conflagration to cause a sinner to repent, or maybe some “druppels” from a general who must remain nameless, or an unauthorised panel beat and spray paint job …
Keep up the good work – you have a lifetime’s activity ahead of you. And don’t become a permanent part of the Waterfront’s future foundations!

May I congratulate you. Your publication has introduced a much needed element into our midst – someone prepared to speak their acerbic and investigative mind frankly and with the added spice of humour.
A Duncan

MIF Pension Funds and heavy breathing attorneys

The hoffing and poffing from the old established Jeppe Street firm reminded me of the famous Pressdram v Arkell case occasionally still alluded to by Private Eye. I thought your readers might appreciate the enclosed extract from the Private Eye Story.
For my part I appreciate your Pigging Out column – such a change from the fulsome and predictable reviews one reads elsewhere. I have certainly eaten at plenty of places that deserve inclusion in a list such as the (London) Times Magazine’s “One star restaurants of the year” list). I have also searched John Platter’s latest offering in the vain hope he might agree with my assessment that there are a fair number of wines around with a bouquet similar to that of the well used jock strap and a taste to match. As with the grotty restaurants, so such luck.
All the best in 1994.
John M Bell

In a 1971 report, the British magazine Private Eye reported that a Mr Arkell, a Granada Group credit manager, was taking back-handers. They promptly received a letter from his attorneys, Goodman Derrick & Co:

Dear Sir
We Act for Mr Arkell. His attention has been drawn to an article which appeared in Private Eye. The statements made about Mr Arkell are entirely untrue and clearly highly defamatory.
His first concern is that there should be a full retraction in Private Eye and he will also want his costs paid. Please note that Mr Arkel’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of your reply.
Yours etc.

The reply was as follows:
Dear Sirs
We note that Mr Arkell’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you could inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off.
Yours etc.
Private Eye

None so blind as . . .

I was sad to note the frankly cruel manner in which your November editorial referred to the fact that Viva Trust Chairman Dr William Roland is blind.
Regrettably I cannot ask you to cancel my subscription, as I do not have one.
Julia Nicol
Observatory, Cape

Dr Roland is not only blind, he is also grown up. He is quite capable of giving as good as he (occasionally deserves to) get. He does not need pity. You do – you don’t have a subscription to noseWEEK. (Dr Roland does.) – Ed.

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