Well now, all you unathletes out there, it may interest you to know that many of the major marathon events these days have also a 10km fun run for one’s family, so they don’t feel left out. That doesn’t mean they have to run, of course, they can walk it if they like, and bring the dog too. The serious club runners start first, see, so the kids and cripples and geriatrics don’t get under their feet, but all arrive at the finish in good time for a nice Sunday breakfast braai, with beer.
Me, I qualify for the fun run on two counts: Cripple and Geriatric. What happened to me in 2012 was real Mad German Scientist stuff, I tell you. Like the old horror movies where there’s this dippy old German dude with steel-rimmed specs all cockeyed on his schnoz and covered in dandruff, and he’s at a marble-top workbench with somebody lying on it, lights-out. He has an assistant called Schultz, and what they’ve done is take bits from inside this body’s legs and stick them in his heart. I mean next thing you know is they’ll be taking bits from one’s genitalia and sticking them in one’s brain. Don’t laugh.