NOTE: the following document was found, covered in Bovril stains, at the bottom of a box of notes submitted by the South African Navy to the Seriti Commission of Inquiry in August, to support its claim that the three Arms Deal frigates had been used to safeguard the 2010 World Cup.
Captain’s log, SAS AmaTeurish, 08 June 2010. 21h00 Military Time, 13h23 African Time:
Top secret briefing from the Deputy Minister’s Deputy MEC’s deputy spokesman, very hush-hush, mainly because his mic isn’t plugged in. Gist of briefing is that the Navy is going to play a vital role in making the World Cup safe, but more importantly, so we know what to say in case anyone ever questions why we bought the frigates in the first place. Spokesman takes us through various role-playing scenarios, all of which feature us telling a commission of inquiry, “Yes, I know they cost R3 billion each, but you must remember that without them the 2010 World Cup final would have been played between Somali pirates and al-Qaeda terrorists, and that wouldn’t have been very Waka Waka, would it?”