Gus Ferguson's Drivel

Loaves and fishes revisited


It is a social sin in certain circles
to go to a dinner party “empty handed”. 
The most acceptable gift is chocolate.

In an attempt to determine the ritual significance
of this custom, a UCT social science student 
inserted a minute tracking device into a box

of Ferrero Rocher which he presented 
at a dinner party in Rondebosch. The results 
were staggering. Unopened, the box travelled

to 300 houses in 6 months, covering
a total distance of 800 kilometres at an average
speed of 69 metres per hour. Many houses were

visited more than once – the researcher himself  
gave the gift 10 times. This “re-gifting” constitutes
generosity at its most cost-effective. It pleases 

a multitude at minimal cost (the student received
the first box at his birthday party). Given the results, 
the chocolate giant is set to launch a new product :

an empty carton suitably weighted 
with remaindered poetry collections as,
it is well known, poetry has no sell-by-date.

 

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